WoodWeek – 3 April 2019

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Greetings from our WoodWeek team. Another positive week for growing our industry. Changes to the Emissions Trading Scheme (ETS) will see 89 million more trees planted in the coming years. Forestry Minister Shane Jones and Climate Change Minister James Shaw announced a second set of changes to the Emission Trading Scheme (ETS) as part of broader reforms to make the scheme fit-for-purpose.

“We’ve heard from the forestry sector about the need to make the ETS simpler while increasing the incentives to plant trees – simpler accounting for the carbon stored in trees will make a positive difference for anyone considering investing in forestry,” Shane Jones said.

Continuing with the subject of tree-planting New Zealand's billion trees planting project has attracted the some of international timber sector players interested in growing much more than raw radiata logs. A director of Kronospan, the world's largest manufacturer of wood-based boards and panels, was among European visitors recently to New Zealand forests. Call me cynical, but I’m sure they sensed a good deal worth sniffing out when they heard those three magical words “government, subsidy, and trees”.

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ETS revamp: Averaging accounting for forests

Changes to the Emissions Trading Scheme (ETS) will see 89 million more trees planted in the coming years and an extra 45 million tonnes of carbon dioxide stored in New Zealand’s forests.

Late last week, Forestry Minister Shane Jones and Climate Change Minister James Shaw announced a second set of changes to the Emission Trading Scheme (ETS) as part of broader reforms to make the scheme fit-for-purpose.

“This announcement includes the introduction of averaging accounting for all forests registered from January 1 2021 and the option to use the new accounting method for all forests registered in 2019 and 2020,” Shane Jones said.

“By taking a long-term view of the amount of carbon in a production forest, averaging means forest owners will be able to trade more carbon (NZUs) at lower risk, and not have to worry about finding units to repay when they harvest.

“It’s essential the ETS provides the right incentives for forestry over the long term so we can deliver on our One Billion Trees programme as well as our commitment to taking action on climate change and supporting the transition to a low emissions future.

“We’ve heard from the forestry sector about the need to make the ETS simpler while increasing the incentives to plant trees – simpler accounting for the carbon stored in trees will make a positive difference for anyone considering investing in forestry,” Shane Jones said.

“The timing of this decision – as the 2019 planting season is about to get under way – is important for forest owners. They can now go ahead with planting this year knowing they can choose the new system and we hope this provides the certainty they’ve been seeking as a sector. We expect to make further decisions soon on the details of averaging accounting, and whether forests already in the ETS can transition to averaging.”

James Shaw said Cabinet had also agreed to several operational changes to streamline the ETS process for forest owners.

“We will improve the emissions rulings process where applicants can get an assessment of their land prior to investment and enable the use of a mapping instrument to make applications even easier,” James Shaw said.

“These proposals work together: the improved emissions ruling process will be in place once the legislation changes, while we develop the mapping instrument over the longer term.

“These changes to the ETS are part of a number of overlapping policy levers that aim to strike the right balance between production and protection. We need clean water and reduced greenhouse gasses. We also need food and employment, including in the regions.

“Alongside these important forestry changes, the Government is progressing more amendments to the ETS. These changes will improve the ETS to support New Zealand’s commitment to the Paris Agreement and our transition to a low emissions future. We aim to introduce the changes to Parliament around the middle of this year.

“We are also making the scheme fairer, and creating the ability for the Crown to make sure people are operating within the intended framework,” James Shaw said.

The changes were developed by the Ministry for Primary Industries, Te Uru R?kau and Ministry for the Environment following consultations in 2018.

They complement other changes announced in December 2018, and others still to come in May, particularly around how to incentivise the storage of carbon in long lived wood products. The Government plans to introduce these changes to Parliament later this year as a suite of changes to the Climate Change Response Act.

The individual changes are:

• Introducing averaging accounting for all forests planted from 1 January 2021;
• Six major operational changes, including:
    o Making it easier to identify ETS-eligible land prior to investing in planting;
    o Ensuring the 6 year stand-down period for grant-funded forests works as intended;
    o Aligning the ETS Mandatory Emissions Return Periods with the Paris Agreement timing;
    o Enabling better enforcement in cases of persistently non-compliant returns or missed returns from post-1989 forest owners;
    o Strengthening the compliance process for transmissions of interest when a forest changes hands; and
    o Enabling enforcement in cases of permanent forest being intentionally clear-felled; as well as
• Six further minor and technical changes to resolve ‘bugs’ in the system and enable better operation of the ETS over the long term.

Averaging vs carbon stock change accounting

• The current forestry accounting approach (carbon stock change) requires a participant to account for any loss of carbon in their forests, even if that loss is temporary.
• This means when trees are harvested, foresters must pay to the Crown a significant amount of the New Zealand Units (NZUs) they have earned from a forest’s growth, even if the forest will be re-planted.
• Under ‘averaging’ accounting, there is no longer a need to surrender NZUs upon harvesting. Participants will instead receive NZUs as their forest grows, up to a determined average level of long term carbon storage, and will not face any liabilities on harvest if they replant.
• Averaging also reduces the costs and complexity for forest owners, and gives them freedom to trade NZUs as they will not have to be surrendered at harvest – increasing the incentive to plant forests through the ETS.

Source: Scoop News

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Euro investors keen on billion trees project

New Zealand's billion trees planting project has attracted the eye of some of the world's most deep-pocketed timber sector players interested in growing much more than raw radiata logs.

A director of Kronospan, the world's largest manufacturer of wood-based boards and panels, was among European visitors recently to New Zealand forests and the Beehive office of Forestry and Regional Development Minister Shane Jones, as they explored investment opportunities.

"One billion trees by 2028" is Jones' brainchild. He wants one billion trees - including native trees - planted between 2018 and 2028, with support funding available from the Government. It is estimated about half that number will be achieved by existing industry planting programmes.

Two of his visitors were specialist forestry and agriculture investors from Germany whose company GlenSilva last year formed a joint venture, Kauri Forestry, with New Zealand farm and forest manager Craigmore Sustainables.

Kauri is awaiting word from the Overseas Investment Office on whether it's cleared to buy 5000 hectares of Wairarapa and Northland land to further its programme of growing sustainable native tree and radiata forests for commercial timber use.

GlenSilva founding partners Matthias Graf von Westphalen and Josef Nagel have been visiting New Zealand and investing here for several years – and introducing other European investors to primary industry here.

Via GlenSilva, or in partnership with Craigmore, the pair have invested more than $65 million in agriculture and forestry in the North Island.

Coming from Europe, where commercial forests and farms are many hundreds of years old and intergenerationally-owned and managed, the pair are big fans of the Government's billion trees project for its drive to build a long-term, sustainable forestry industry, its support for ecosystems, and its potential contribution to climate change management through this country's Emissions Trading Scheme (ETS).

Graf von Westphalen called one billion trees a "beautiful" programme.

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Source: NZ Herald

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Emissions rejection hints at complacency

Brian Fallow: No hiding in the forests with climate change - For too long New Zealand has been entangled in the net of "net" emissions. And the Government's swift rejection this week of a key recommendation from the Parliamentary Commissioner for the Environment, Simon Upton, suggests we will remain so ensnared.

We have been complacent about relentless growth in emissions of carbon dioxide, and have met our international obligations, because they have been offset by the CO2 taken up by trees in an expanding forest estate.

Policymakers have suffered from a kind of collective wilful blindness, an unwillingness to really confront the obvious fact that trees can only provide a temporary store of carbon before they are harvested or succumb to other risks like fire or pests and diseases.

And climate change, Upton reminds us, only increases those risks.

Even totara of the most venerable antiquity will eventually keel over and rot.

Hence the central recommendation of the Parliamentary Commissioner's report this week: that forest sinks should ultimately — after a transition that would need to be carefully managed — be used only to offset the "biological" emissions of methane and nitrous oxide arising from the bodily functions of livestock, and not to offset CO2 emissions from the use of fossil fuels.

Those CO2 emissions, because they accumulate in the atmosphere, are the planetary equivalent of turning up a thermostat that cannot be turned down, Upton says. They need to be reduced to zero.

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Source: NZ Herald

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Log export update: Champion Freight Report

Log export market graphics - This week we've got our monthly update from the Champion Freight team.

The chart shows total log export values to China year-on-year to the end of February were up 19 percent year-on-year contributing to overall log exports growing 17 percent across all markets.

To the end of February, China shipments month-on-month are up 32 percent and overall log exports up 28 percent.

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Ardern: Wood products exports on China agenda

Improving access to China for exports of New Zealand wood and paper products are among key areas of focus for Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern in her talks in Beijing earlier this week.

Briefing media ahead of her lightning dash to the capital of the country's largest trading partner, Ardern said progressing the upgrade of the 11-year-old free trade agreement with China was among priorities in her meetings with China's two most powerful leaders, President Xi Xinping and Premier Le Keqiang.

She indicated the most productive focus was likely to be on areas where there was not already a phased reduction in barriers to access.

"There are areas on a phased approach that continue to improve over time," she said. Dairy products, accounting for one-third of all New Zealand exports to China, are among those covered by tariff and quota reductions through the early part of the next decade.

"So it's focusing on those areas that may be in addition to that.

"Wood and paper are the kinds of things being debated."

Forestry exports are the second largest source of exports to China, accounting for 23 percent of the $13.9 billion of total exports to China in 2018.

Ardern said she had had "quite specific discussions with Li in the past and that may happen again". She will lunch with the Premier on the one-day trip, which was cut from a three-city state visit earlier this month.

Trade Minister David Parker will pick up the slack, leading a trade delegation to China later in April. He will also attend an international forum on China's strategic economic and political initiative known as the Belt and Road.

Source: BusinessDesk via Scoop

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China-NZ: FTA upgrade already underway

Further to political items on Prime Minister Ardern's China trip, trade was on the list this week - The free trade deal between New Zealand and China was signed in Beijing in 2008; more than 10 years later talks to upgrade the deal are well underway, with a seventh round of negotiations being arranged at the moment. The 2008 FTA has trebled two-way trade from about $8 billion a year, to more than $28 billion.

The upgrade talks are about removing both tariff and non-tariff barriers for key export industries including e-commerce and agriculture and re-examining some of the trade rules.

Under the original deal dairy tariffs will be completely removed for most products by 2022, and milk powder by 2025, so it's unlikely New Zealand negotiators would be looking to trade away too many other potential benefits, even if the dairy tariff removals are still some years away.

One industry looking for gains is forest owners, who are pushing for lower tariffs on processed wood products.

David Rhodes, chief executive of the Forest Owners' Association, said their "big prize" would be having the tariff differential between raw and processed wood products removed.

It would be a "win-win" if more could be processed in New Zealand and exported to China, he said. "Because there are a number of issues China is grappling with with respect to energy etc, there are a number of ways both countries could benefit." Former trade negotiator Charles Finny questioned the benefit of even persisting with the upgrade negotiations.

"There's nothing big that China wants that we can give.... I think that China is probably going to be wanting some concessions from us in terms of more open immigration rules, right to work, and also investment, and we've tightened them in both spaces."

Of more concern, said Mr Finny, was the trade deal being hammered out between the US and China. "Because it looks to me, that China's just going to buy more of some products from the United States.

"And it's possible that some of those products are products that we export... so I'm watching this very closely."

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Source: TVNZ 1newsnow

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FOMS rebrands to Forest360

One of New Zealand’s largest independent forestry service providers, FOMS, has announced a rebrand of its operations to Forest360 - Since its formation in 2004, the privately-owned company has become one of New Zealand’s largest independent log procurement, harvesting and marketing service providers, with forestry operations spanning across the North Island.

The relaunch of the FOMS brand follows its recent merger with Woodnet, a forestry and marginal land-use advisory and management company that has been operating nationwide since 1999. The relaunch will bring together the respective operations of each company under the new name, Forest360. The corporate rebrand also includes a new logo and positioning statement, Growing your future.

Managing Director Dan Gaddum says the rebrand reflects the company’s commitment to playing a lead role in shaping the future of New Zealand’s forestry industry by ensuring excellence across every part of the supply chain. “We work to create long-term value from day one,” says Mr Gaddum. “Our team’s collective knowledge and broad professional skillset across forest management means we can provide innovative, best practice solutions for our clients. The name Forest360 underpins our commitment to provide full service to the industry as a whole.”

Mr Gaddum says Forest360 will continue to build upon Woodnet’s position as one of New Zealand’s leading Emission Trading Scheme (ETS) specialists through its work in the landuse, environment and conservation space.

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Green technology in tall timber buildings

Cross-laminated timber, CLT, explains the expansion of multi-storey wood buildings in the world. Gerhard Schickhofer is awarded the 2019 Marcus Wallenberg Prize for research and knowledge transfer behind the stable and eco- friendly material.

Professor Gerhard Schickhofer, the Institute of Timber Engineering and Wood Technology at Graz University of Technology, Austria, has laid the scientific and technological foundation for the development of cross-laminated timber, CLT. For his discoveries he is awarded the 2019 Marcus Wallenberg Prize of SEK 2 million.

Strong and stable elements

Cross-laminated timber, CLT, consists of several layers of solid wood laminations glued together crosswise measuring a length of up to 20 metres, a width of four meters and a thickness desired for every purpose. The elements are stable and load-bearing. They are also easy to process, shape and even curve using modern manufacturing technologies. All these qualities have made wooden skyscrapers possible.

Many projects around the world are competing in constructing the world’s tallest buildings in wood. Brock Commons, an 18-storey student residence in Vancouver, Canada, has kept the lead after being completed in 2017.

It was however recently reported that the first tenants will move in to HoHo tower in Vienna, Austria, in June 2019. The 24 floors will house apartments, offices and a hotel, a restaurant and a gym.

Even higher so called plyscrapers have been proposed in several countries. The 80-storey River Beech Tower in Chicago, USA, is among the tallest.

Eco-friendly material

Gerhard Schickhofer and his research team have played a leading role in establishing European standards and Technical Approvals for CLT production and use in industrial applications of wood construction.

CLT has radically transformed the view on construction and design in the wood building industry. Its orthogonal, laminar structure allows applications as full-size walls and floor elements as well as linear timber elements able to bear heavy loads.

Prefabrication of different modules at the factory makes the assembly time on the building site shorter.

Conifers such as spruce, larch or pine, but also deciduous species such as birch, ash and beech, can be used in the engineered panels. Since the layers of solid wood are glued together longitudinally and transversely the elements are less affected by changes in dimension due to humidity fluctuation.

Buildings made of CLT are characterised by slender wall constructions and high loadbearing capacity. They provide excellent performance with regards to fire safety and impact of earthquakes.

CLT is like solid wood a sustainable and renewable material. It preserves the environment due to its ability to store carbon dioxide and substitutes for example concrete and steel as building material – both resulting in large carbon dioxide emissions when produced.

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Photo: Prof. Gerhard Schickhofer is awarded the 2019 Marcus Wallenberg Prize. (Photo: Helmut Lunghammer @ Lunghammer - TU Graz)

Source: The Marcus Wallenberg Prize

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Key is storing carbon in trees and products

The case for using trees to offset fossil carbon dioxide has been that they will buy us time. That still is relevant today and more so if New Zealand invests in a transition to a circular bioeconomy says Scion CEO Dr Julian Elder in response to the Farms, forests and fossil fuels report released yesterday.

“Now is the time to be having the serious conversation about a new economy and build a national consensus on how our country can grow its way to a sustainable, bio-resourced future.

“Forests, as part of a suite of tools, will always play a key role in removing carbon dioxide from the atmosphere. They are something that we can get on with while we as a nation decide how to best reduce fossil emissions through developing technologies and substitution options to reduce emissions.

“Forests store carbon for the life of the tree and thus are only part of the solution, yet harvested forests continue to help reduce greenhouse gas emissions through the life of wood products like buildings and furniture,” he says.

Using sustainable wood in construction contributes to climate change mitigation. The manufacturing and processing emissions for wood are lower than those of concrete, bricks and steel responsible for between eight and 15 per cent of greenhouse gas emissions worldwide. Wooden materials extend carbon storage from the forest to the building – for decades, or even centuries – while replanted trees continue the carbon sequestration process.

Innovative engineered wood products, such as cross laminated timber, allows bigger and taller wooden buildings to be constructed and store more carbon. It is calculated that one cubic metre of cross-laminated timber stores 730 kilograms of carbon.

It is important for the ‘built environment’ to balance its greenhouse gas emissions. A Scion study showed that Auckland Council could achieve their emissions reduction target 25 per cent faster than planned by applying ‘urban equilibrium’ principals (where timber buildings act like carbon pools) to their forecast growth.

Using massive timber technologies, such as in large and tall buildings going up around the world, would provide other benefits too. For example, substituting building materials would reduce manufacturing emissions by 38 to 65 per cent, and prefabrication would reduce construction emissions by up to 13 per cent.

Other emissions savings would be made at end-of-life by landfilling the timber waste or using it as a substitute for fossil fuels to generate energy. Scion research shows that if New Zealand swap's just 30 per cent of our petroleum-based liquid fuel for cleaner, greener biofuel made from renewable feedstocks like fast growing trees, we would reduce greenhouse gas emissions to the equivalent of taking half the cars off the road. On the East Coast alone this would involve planting one and a half times more trees and investing $1 billion into infrastructure, creating 1,000 new jobs.

Source: Scion

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Glenbervie helicopter crash cause uncertain

Final report on fatal helicopter crash, Glenbervie Forest Northland, Oct 2016 - AO- 2016-007 Collision with terrain Robinson R44, ZK-HTH, Glenbervie Forest, Northland, 31 October 2016.

The Transport Accident Investigation Commission has published its Final Report on the fatal crash of a Robinson R44 helicopter into Glenbervie Forest near Whangarei in October 2016. The two occupants – the pilot and a forestry contractor – died in the crash, and the helicopter was consumed by fire.

Captain Tim Burfoot, the Chief Investigator of Accidents, says the helicopter had been conducting survey work and had just crossed a ridge when it crashed into dense bush.

“Damage to the helicopter in the accident sequence and subsequent fire, and the lack of other incontrovertible evidence, means the Commission could not determine the cause or causes,” said Capt. Burfoot. “The Commission has previously recommended that flight data recorders be fitted to certain classes of helicopter to aid accident investigation; if one had been fitted to this helicopter, it would very likely have helped to identify the cause or causes of this accident.”

The helicopter did not break up before entering the trees, and although there were indications of mast bumping this was likely due to the dynamics of the helicopter entering the bush with its main rotors still turning.

An extension had been fitted to the cyclic control (controls helicopter direction) that could have enabled the passenger to control the cyclic stick. It was not possible to determine why the extension was installed, nor if it was being used at the time of the accident or at any time during the flight.

Another consideration was that a bolt that was a part of the main rotor assembly was missing. It is virtually certain to have come out of position during the impact sequence, meaning it did not contribute to the accident. Still more possibilities rejected and described in the report include defects affecting engine, power, or fuel systems; a medical event affecting the pilot or contractor; and bird strike.

Capt. Burfoot said the Commission had made no new recommendation beyond the existing recommendation for flight data recorders.

The full report is downloadable here. (NB: it’s the Final Report you want to click on; the Interim Report was the short one issued in December 2016)

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Miscanthus - the magic plant

On a 'Rural Delivery' television programme last year Prof Steve Wratten of Lincoln University described Miscanthus as a “magic plant”. Although there was a degree of poetic licence in that statement, it is very understandable why he described Miscanthus in that way. But there are no magicians involved. Miscanthus is a truly remarkable plant that has so many advantages and options for commercial use that people who hear about it tend to think “This is too good to be true!”.

So they ignore it. The phenomenal success of Miscanthus therefore actually detracts from securing serious interest in both growing and using it. Contrary to people’s initial reaction, what seems like hype, is in fact true.

As an example without exhausting all possibilities, some of the advantages that Miscanthus can claim - supported by international as well as New Zealand experience - include:
- Reputed to be the highest reliable annual per hectare dry matter production plant for temperate regions;
- Having the ability to grow in low fertility soils and even waterlogged soils;
- Providing sufficient shelter on pivot irrigated dairy farms to increase farm production;
- Providing habitat for bumblebees and for indigenous skinks on dairy farms;
- Giving farmers a crop that once established requires virtually no work but produces a significant and reliable annual income;
- Insulating farmers against variations in primary product prices; - Being sterile and never spreading off-site;
- Being easy to eradicate if no longer wanted;
- Having a large number of markets including on-farm uses such as commercial mulch or calf bedding and green economy uses such as boiler fuel or renewable diesel production;
- Being able to be harvested using conventional agricultural machinery;
- Offering an option for waste disposal of high nitrogen effluent onto a crop that is so efficient at capturing the nitrogen that the leaching is less than what is achieved by indigenous or pine forest with just rainfall going on it;
- Being very resistant to diseases and pests.

The Miscanthus that is being grown and used in New Zealand is a sterile, naturally occurring hybrid of two Miscanthus species whose ranges overlap in Japan. We have two clones in New Zealand - one that was obtained from the USA and one that was obtained from the UK - and both seem to be very suitable to New Zealand conditions.

Miscanthus New Zealand Limited (MNZ) is the company that imported the Miscanthus but prior to this, Miscanthus had to go through a rigorous vetting system that was carried out by the Environmental Risk Management Authority to ensure that such import would not pose any environmental risk to New Zealand. Their conclusion was that not only was Miscanthus not a risk, but it was so much in the interests of New Zealand to have it growing here that they waived the fee for their assessment.

Because of its sterility, Miscanthus does not produce seeds so MNZ has been multiplying it vegetatively. Using a combination of both tissue culture and specialist greenhouse techniques, the numbers of available plantlets have been substantially increased. In the past 18 months, MNZ has been producing Miscanthus rhizomes for commercial scale plantings and has been learning the pros and cons of various aspects of such planting.

The Miscanthus industry in New Zealand is now poised to take off as progressive landowners realise the enormous potential of this crop and begin to plant significant areas. One or two large end users have already started to plant their own stands and they have plans for doing more in the future.

Industries that produce high nitrogen effluent and that also have a demand for industrial heat are able to get the best of both worlds. They can spray irrigate their effluent onto purpose grown Miscanthus stands - with extremely low leaching of nitrogen - and then use the harvested crop to fire their boilers and create their industrial heat. They may also be able to benefit from the consequent reduction in net carbon dioxide emissions.

If electricity is required rather than heat, the Miscanthus can also be used for generation of the electricity. This has been being done for a number of years by a company in the USA.

This article is the first of a series that is being produced to educate people about Miscanthus so that New Zealand can get the multiple benefits that Miscanthus offers. Further follow-up articles will be written and published in the near future.

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Source: Scoop news

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Portugal accused of buying illegal Congo logs

Companies based in Portugal, France, Belgium, Spain, Italy and Poland have been importing timber from Industrie Forestière du Congo (IFCO) – a logging company which Global Witness accuses of flouting forest laws in the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC).

Together, the ten companies placed more than 1,400m3 of IFCO’s so-called high-risk timber on the EU market, with a value of approximately €2 million, in the space of five months during 2018.

IFCO is a recently created entity which has inherited logging operations previously belonging to Cotrefor.

Under the European Timber regulations (EUTR), companies must be able to show they have taken clear steps to reduce the risk that timber imported to the EU has been illegally harvested. Failure to do so can result in high penalties.

“It has been over six years since the EU Timber Regulation came into force, and this is yet another case of illegal or high-risk timber coming into EU ports, seemingly unchecked. Illegal logging is a serious contributor to climate change, and weak enforcement risks undermining the EU’s efforts to combat it”, said Colin Robertson of Global Witness.

This follows a detailed investigation published last summer by Global Witness, which revealed systemic illegal logging by a major European company in the Democratic Republic of Congo, while Norway and France are on the brink of funding expansion of the country’s industrial logging sector.

Global Witness said that a two-year investigation revealed that European company Norsudtimber was the biggest single owner of logging concessions covering over 40,000 km2 of rainforest in the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC).

Portugal, China, Vietnam and France are also all said to be recipients of Norsudtimber’s timber trading.

The majority of timber exports to Europe went to either Portugal or France.

Almost 60 percent of the timber exported is said to come from endangered or vulnerable tree species.

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Source: Portugal News Online

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... almost finally ... Go Carlsberg

Carlsberg glues beer cans together: One of the first breweries to abandon plastic rings - Carlsberg beer cans are to be stuck together with glue as it becomes one of the first brewers to abandon plastic rings.

The Danish firm said the move, which has been heralded as a world-first, to attach its multi-packs with adhesive will reduce the use of plastic to package products by 75 per cent.

After a three-year development process, Carlsberg insists the dots of glue bonding its new "Snap Packs" are strong enough to withstand journeys from shelves to homes, yet sufficiently brittle to break when twisted.

The eco-friendly packaging innovation will be debuted in the UK, where 30 per cent of Carlsberg's beer output is drunk every year.

At a launch event in Copenhagen, inventor Christopher Stuhlmann revealed how a trip to his local DIY store helped convince him that his brainwave could become a reality.

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Even more >>

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Buy and Sell

... and finally ... funny way to end the news

Physicians were unable to reach a consensus on whether the UK should Brexit.

The Allergists were in favour of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologist's had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought May had a lot of nerve. Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was labouring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea short sighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Paediatricians said, "Oh, grow up! The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the GPs claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.

The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter." The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

Anaesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the a**holes in Parliament!


A Fellow walks into a bar, takes a stool up the end of the bar on his own, orders a drink and sits quietly on his own. All of a sudden, out of nowhere comes this voice, "I like your hair!". He looks around the bar, see's no one, decides to ignore it.

A couple of minutes later, "Your tie looks good too!" Again, he looks around. No one he can see. Checks under the stool, looks behind the bar, no one around at all! This makes him feel a little on edge. He decides to forget it and just have another drink.

Finally, "Your cheekbones really accentuate the shape of your face." Thats it he thinks. "Barman, BARMAN!!!", he yells as he bangs his fist on the bar. The barman comes straight down to him. "Yes sir, what is it?" "Well, ever since I came in here today there has been a little voice that keeps talking to me!"

"Oh well sir, I think you'll find that will be the peanuts", he said, pointing to a bowl in front of the fellow. "What? The peanuts?" He didn't understand. "Well sir, they're complimentary!"

Thanks for keeping up with the latest wood news with us!
Have a safe and productive week.

John Stulen

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